“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, will give us some protection forever.”
Ever since I started writing, my mom used to ask me , why don’t you write anything for me? You write about your dad, your sister and all but why not me? Whenever she asks this I playfully dodge this question saying there is nothing so cool to write about you. But the truth was – so many times I have thought of writing about her. Every time I try, I get stuck. I do not know what to write , about which aspect of hers to write of because each one of it is priceless.
Even now, I am not sure if I am ready to write this, but today I’ll be just listing out some situations in my life, which if not for her I would never have crossed..So this one is for you umma (that is how I call her)
scene 1 – teenage
act- 1 Plus two model exams
Seventeen – I doubt if going through seventeen has been easy for any one at all. The amount of issues a girl/boy has to deal with at the age of seventeen is enormous. Even now, if someone asks me which was the toughest stage in my life I pick my plus two years. Reason – So many life changing issues ; appearance, behavioral changes, a desire to be independent and detached from family, peer pressure , finding love, dealing with crushes , and what not. On top of all this studies! All of a sudden class 10 board exams feels like cupcakes. There is entrance exam, school models, board exams, tuition exams – list almost endless.
Being an above average student , coping up with studies was possible for me- Difficult definitely but possible. Peer pressure that’s where I lost . So during my school days, there was a thing with my roll numbers – It never changes Roll no: 2 /Roll no: 3. It is either one of these . And most often my number comes in between two boys. In fact out of the first 10 roll numbers, there would be a maximum of 3 girls. And hence when exam seating comes , I would be always sitting in between guys.
During our plus two model exams , something disastrous happened. Exam began, and as usual my seating was the same. By the mid of the session , the teacher caught the guy in front copying from me [ I do not like to go into details here since it is still a wretched memory]. She made both of us stand up and sent us straight to the principals office. From then the whole mayhem began. I was numb. Because for all the years I had never made my parents stand ashamed in front of any teacher- I have always been a good student. But that day I was broke. Standing in the principal’s office I didn’t even hear what she said , I just wanted to run away from there.
You would think my parents would scold me fair and square – but no . They were constantly asking me whether I was okay. And I was slowly recovering back from the shock. Until the next day, the school announced punishment – he got a week suspension and for me, my answer sheet was discarded- meaning I failed the subject and I had to sit for the remaining exams as well.
Obviously I failed, as my mind was still wondering how could the school do that. I was made to face my friends and teachers every single day, passing each day with humiliation, and on top of that for the first time in life I failed in an exam. Whereas he enjoyed a week off at home, and I still remember him coming back after suspension with a box of chocolates which he distributed to friends and teachers ( to the same teacher who caught us) and he had this smile on his face- which I don’t think I will ever be able to forget.
With so much going on in my mind, my mom realized I am at serious trouble. She knew I would slid onto depression, if not held properly. So from that day for almost a month, she would never leave me, She was constantly by my side. Even during those sleepless nights she stood by me. Very slowly I came out of my cocoon . and things finally got back in track.
My dear mom, today I would like to thank you, for being there for me. For without you I am sure I would have never been able to get out of my cocoon.
Thank you umma for teaching me to be strong and the difference between friends and true friends.
act 2 – entrance exams
When I scored well in boards, I decided to join for entrance coaching classes. Back then I gave my option for medical entrance coaching. I studied pretty well the next two years and managed to score a good rank, but not good enough to get a seat in a medical college. I was not expecting to get in the first chance itself, so I was somewhat okay with the results. But the confusion was what course to join for ?
All my friends were planning to go for repeating the exam , which involves one year of extra classes. I was confused whether to opt for this, work really hard for a year or to grab the engineering seat which I got on merit. In between my dad was also willing to teach me on my management seat. But your words made me decide on opting for Engineering and study on merit , and be proud of it for the rest of my life . To date I do not regret this decision
Thank you umma for teaching me to be independent and that sometimes it is okay to choose the easier path.
scene 2 – miscarriage
As I have written in[ http://www.journeyofmylife.me/2019/01/05/a-letter/] going through miscarriage was yet another hard time in my life. Had my mom not been there close to me at that time, getting over it would have been almost impossible for me . You were there with me during that time and weeks after it, when I was again going through sleepless nights. The confidence of being able to ring you up any time, and talk to you openly helps me through any thing , anytime.
Thank you umma for teaching me to move on in life.
By now , of all the things I am pretty sure about this one thing umma – that your love can protect me from all unforgivable curses – any time ,any day ! Above are just a few instances and I know there are a lot many more. Over the years you have taught us so much – you taught us to lead a simple life,to be god fearing always, to keep a NO to gossiping, and so on . Even today she is selflessly willing to help us, and guide us in any way. So no matter how much I write this post,it would still be incomplete because the list is endless and counting.
Like today morning when I called her to wish birthday, she was shivering with a fever that had started over night and she is still asking me to be careful about my cough! I know your eyes would be wet by now..
So stop crying and take rest, get well soon!
Happy Birthday to you umma – We love you!
PS: Opening quote taken from Harry Potter
Maria Lu · May 13, 2019 at 7:30 am
I am so touched after reading your essay. Mom is always the person we love most.
Afifa · May 15, 2019 at 5:46 am
Thank you 🙂